I finally understand why people say they’re “good”. For the last few years, I’ve been obsessive about being honest when someone asks me how I am. I’ve written about it at length on my Start Going Further blog and even posted about it on social media. I realized a long time ago how dishonest everyone is. And it bothered me. People rarely answer the question of how they are truthful. We skirt around real life, and instead almost always say “good”. When “good” may often not be the case. I asked myself, why can’t we answer the question of how we are honestly? So I started to. And a lot of times people were taken aback by my answers. I secretly loved it. I thought it felt refreshing to be real. I mean, it is a part of my top core values—to be genuine and authentic in everything I do. So I almost couldn’t lie or be fake. Because that isn’t something I value. As I have noticed everyone around me get shallower, I’ve only desired to go deeper.
So up until very recently, I’ve only said that I’m good if I really am good. But now I’ve changed my opinion of this completely. Grief has changed me. And specifically, pet loss grief.
Here’s the real truth that I did not even understand until now. Most people are very shallow and egotistical. Which means that when someone asks you how you are, a lot of times they don’t even really care. Not even a little bit. Asking someone this question has become a societal norm, something you just do. Very rarely, does someone want to know the actual answer to that question.
With the loss of my soul dog Rue, I’ve struggled with small talk, and talk in general. Conversations have felt hard for me. And I’ve realized how much people don’t even know what to say to me, and a lot of the time they avoid me altogether. Is it fair to say that people suck and dogs rule? I think so.
I’m not trying to turn into a bad and bitter person. And I’m not going to. But the shallow and egotistical traits of so many people, have made me rethink how I answer the question of how I am. With several conversations that I’ve had, or lack thereof, I’ve realized that to protect my peace I do not need to answer this question truthfully to everyone I encounter.
When I do, I am opening up my heart and myself to others. And a lot of people don’t deserve that. So while I may appear a bit distant, that’s because I am. I’m protecting my peace, and myself. And that’s okay. Because right now, that’s what I need.
For those that are walking the pet loss grief journey alongside me, I say to you—do what is right for you. Don’t feel the need to open up to everyone. Protect yourself. Because pet loss grief is extremely complicated, and not understood by everyone. It’s okay if you appear quiet. It’s okay if someone asks you how you are and you do say that you’re fine, okay, or good. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.