Why Being New is Hard and What to Do About it

Let’s face it, being new is hard. REALLY hard-and unfortunately, it’s not often talked about. I’ve become increasingly obsessed with pondering over the challenge of being new at anything in life and at any stage in life. I feel as if this is something that isn’t talked about. In our society, we glamorize a fresh start in anything, a new job, a new hobby, a new life change, and anything else we can possibly think of being new at. What we fail to shed light on is the harsh reality that being new is really not all that it is cracked up to be. If we were honest with ourselves, I think we’d all say that being new is clearly not any fun.

I can give you plenty of examples of times in my life where I had a hard time with being new, and I will share a few with you. First, let’s talk about the disconnect between typical newness as a kid and experiencing the same type of typical newness as an adult. We’ve all either seen plenty of tv shows or movies or experienced first-hand ourselves what it is like to be the new kid at school. How fun does it seem in the tv shows and movies and how fun is it in real life if you’ve experienced it? From what I’ve seen, it’s really no fun at all. Why don’t we talk about this more?

I ask why we don’t talk about this more because if we ever thought as a kid that we would never have to go through a horrifying experience like this again or if we’ve watched these scenarios play out in tv shows and movies and we’ve breathed a sigh of relief that we are grateful it isn’t happening to us-we really have a treat coming to us when we reach adulthood. Although I’ve found myself facing a lot of newness in adulthood, I know I’m not the only one. Being the new kid is a typical part of many stages as an adult and many experiences coming to us all. It’s unavoidable basically, but if you’re like me you’ve felt that you’ve endured your fair share of being new. Also if you’re like me, you may be completely tired of it.

Many of my experiences being the “new kid” as an adult, have seemed to be out of my control but also some have been completely my choice. The first experience that comes to mind is CrossFit. I’ve wanted to do CrossFit for a long time, and when I first could I did! However, the fact that I had such a strong desire to do CrossFit did not change how hard it was being new. I remember the first real heavy barbell day. We were doing deadlifts, maybe even a 1 rep max. Everyone was getting out big weights and loading up the barbell. I sort of froze and stared at my barbell not knowing what to do and feeling a little hopeless. Maybe I was intimidated and maybe I was scared. Whatever I was feeling in that moment, can be attributed to being so new. Now for an example out of my control. When I first moved to Colorado, I joined the AmeriCorps VISTA program where you complete a service year. I then found myself at a nonprofit organization where almost 10 months in-my position was abruptly eliminated, and no longer needed. These experiences were simply out of my control, and I’ve found myself in many situations like this where the things in my life have seemed to have an expiration date.

So far, a few specific things have helped me cope with being new. The first is obvious but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy and that is to ask a lot of questions. I know we’ve all heard “no question is a dumb question” and really we have to get comfortable with asking as many questions as needed and as many times as needed with absolutely no shame. Questions are good, and show that we desire to learn. The second is for us to fake being confident if we need to. I’ve allowed myself to unravel with anxiety, worry, concern, uncomfortableness, and fear over what I didn’t know way too many times. I’ve since realized that even if we may not really feel confident, maybe not even at all-it is much better to fake being confident. It’s almost as if we are tricking our brains which I think only helps us become successful in the end. I’ve noticed that when I unravel with anxiety, worry, concern, uncomfortableness, and fear-it only propels me to spiral downward and I end up feeling like I don’t even belong.

Third, always keep at the forefront of your mind that newness doesn’t last forever. Really, it’s over before we know it if we just keep trucking along. I think when you’re brand new at anything in life, each day that passes actually brings you lightyears ahead. In a matter of a few days or even a week you may find yourself feeling completely comfortable. The final thing that has helped me cope with being new is having a little bit of mental toughness and belief in myself. Believe that wherever you find yourself in life, that you deserve to be there and that you are meant to be there. Have some mental toughness, because there will definitely be moments, hours, days, or even weeks where you may need to wrestle with your mind and ultimately choose to tough it out.

Everyone wants to be liked and to feel as if they belong. Maybe that is one of the hardest parts of being new, is that wondering. Will you be liked and will you really feel a sense that you belong? I also think that there is an alarming amount of pressure placed on first impressions that sometimes they can wreak havoc on us mentally. We all want to get started on the right foot. Embrace being new, and the challenges that come with it. “Everything is Figureoutable” in the words of wisdom from Marie Forleo. Being new doesn’t last forever, but being new is a part of life. You may feel settled and the newness has worn off in one area of your life, for you only to find yourself being brand new again in something else. Always strive to be learning, because if you are learning you are growing and therefore you are moving forward. Lastly, to be new and to be willing to learn ultimately means that you my friend are going further in life. Never be afraid to start going further.

In the Spirit of Adventure,

Demie